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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
/ 5:28 PM
is the problem lying with me, or what? just too many problems in my life. sigh. just cut my fringe yesterday. many agreed that i look like a dummy today. ): what to do? i shouldnt have entrusted my hair to my sister. hmmph! each time i think of how im being treated in the family, i'll just feel like crying. i cry myself to sleep almost every night. just what have i done in my previous life? kill? rob?
im sick and tired of this life. and i didnt play well for volleyball today. inter-house is coming on next friday. my goal is just to get a champion. thats all. now the songs, bad day and untitled describes my situation the best now. it all went on pretty good between me and 2nd sister for just THREE DAYS. but i dont wanna stay that close with her too. i know her temper. she'll just flare anytime.
and kakak claims that she saw a ghost in the lift which made my hair stand on ends. and that day while i was walking home, i saw a stupid pervert with porn vcds. that idiotic ass was walking right infront of me lar. and i've only started going home on my own since june this year. it just made me feel insecure each day i go home alone. and i couldnt stand it and told dad to come and fetch me after school today. after that, he'll go and fetch mum. it'll be just nice but he refused. i was so angry. he dont even care about me. i guess maybe if i die, he wouldn't even give a damn about it. and because it was kakak who saw it, i didn't want her to come and fetch me. and dad deliberately asked her to come and fetch me.
i just somehow feel that everyone around me always bias one lor. parents always treat my sisters better. dad can pia to beach road from eunos. then why cannot fetch me on the way? its like, so near only lar. he dont even care about me. thinking of what happened just now, i just.. burst out into tears when i was chatting with xueting lor.
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!
seriously, i feel that i need a break. a LONGGGGGG BREAKKKKKKKKKK. from all these pests in my life. what am i going to do? i feel like a failure. nobody in the family cares for me. and i have friends who backstab me. but i thank those who're always by my side. i dont know what to do anymore. i just feel like jumping off the building NOW. so what if i am more fortunate than the people who doesnt have a family? yes, i do have a family. but they dont care about me.
perhaps its these problems that are affecting my life. im in the same boat as emily. but she's much better. she has a father who supports her. my dad? no! loiter around the coffee shop everyday. spend more time with dogs than he spend his time with me. my mum? sometimes scold me for no reason. sisters? dont really care about me. 2nd sister is just like, making use of me to help her do things. elder sister still okay. but our age gap is too wide so our interests and hobbies doesnt really match.
haiz. i dont wanna carry on with this sad life i've got. will any kind soul out there help me get out of the maze, please. i think i need counselling, to overcome all the problems in my life. ARGGHHH. im turning into a mad woman in no time. nobody cares for me. im sure no one would turn up for my funeral if i die. i'll find out when i try it. i dont wanna cry myself to sleep every night, dont wanna think of the sad moments and burst into tears, dont wanna face these problems. I REALLY NEED HELP.
oh, by saying all these doesnt help. i really really, seriously dont know what to do. i dont wanna tell my parents, maybe they really do care for me? i dont know. maybe i just cant feel it. maybe its just because they dont express it. i dont wanna hurt them by telling them all those. maybe its me, whos thinking too much. i dont know. i've always talk to BROWNIE whenever i've got problem. but whats the use? BULLSHIT. nothing will help me overcome my problems. sigh. let me drown in my tears. perhaps i'll die happier this way. without any hurt.
SOMEBODY HELP ME! ):
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